I Object
by The Manga Witch
Summary: Every good thief needs to know how to crash a party. YGOTAS-verse, Thiefshipping. One-shot.


**Hullo, everyone. Have a nice day?**

**Disclaimers are for people stupid enough to not understand the meaning of _fan_fiction. **

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"I Object"

Everything was arranged in perfect aesthetic for the event that was about to happen. There were white and lilac flowers everywhere; the table with refreshments was meticulously arranged for the afterparty, the sunlight shone beautifully through the colourful stained-glass windows, a band played slowly to the sound of a well-known tune and, despite none of the present guests know or care about any religion besides the one with the card games in it, the had rented a church.

Well, maybe not rented, more like stole it. How do you go about stealing a church anyway?

Low chatter was heard from each side of the aisle as the Evil Council of Doom did what they did best: made small talk and got nowhere. Since the _Lost _discussion had been over and done with, they were now arguing heatedly about _House_. Truth be told, they were all avoiding the only subject that was worth talking about: what in the world was going on?

Of course, they knew why they were in the church on a Saturday, instead of being at the typical 'somewhere in Egypt' like every week. They _had_ gotten the invitations, yes. They knew perfectly well what was going on. They just couldn't process the information as true. The uninterested murmurs died down immediately, however, when a very feminine, nasal voice called the Evil Council to their attention.

"Ahem, gentlemen, I believe we're all ready now." Pegasus said, quite confused himself. At lack of better options, the event's organizers decided to nominate Pegasus the holy priest. They did ask Seto, seeing he was one in a past life, but he made an excuse about counting his money and not giving a shit.

"Make it quick, Pegasus. I have a spa appointment in an hour, and I don't want to be late," chimed in one of the men in front of Pegasus, standing on the altar. That was Marik Ishtar, who even though he usually dressed effeminately could never rival the day's apparel. To put it simply, it was a white dress. To put it specifically, it was a _wedding _dress.

"Yeah, really. I have to _destroy the world_." laughter was heard all around the infrastructure, even though not a single Council member made a sound. That was the second mastermind behind the event going on. Zorc Necrophades, the gigantic monster who only wanted to destroy the world and sing about it. He might have worn a tux, but his dragon penis didn't exactly make clothes shopping easy.

"Yes… yes, of course. We've gathered today to witness the holy matrimony of a man and a… uh… what are you again?"

"Demon." Zorc's voice boomed across the chapel.

"Right… that."

"The ratings will blow up with this!" Zorc interrupted.

Finally, this whole trainwreck was starting to make sense, as some of the Evil Council members listened in attentively.

"Oh, now I get it. But isn't _Zorc and Pals_ popular as it is," asked Pegasus.

"It never hurts to get more ratings, though."

"And wait until Bakura hears about this! He'll be so jealous that I, Marik Sebastian Ishtar the Third, stole his precious Zorc!" Marik added, laughing.

_Silence_

"…Marik," Pegasus began, "you think Bakura will be jealous of _you_?" he could hardly believe in the obliviousness of this guy.

"Who else would he be jealous of?"

"You're an idiot, buttmunch." Weevil shouted from the crowd.

"Oh yeah, this coming from a guy named _Weevil Underwood_."

"Hehe… he said 'wood'," Rex chuckled, nudging Weevil.

"Ohhh, yeah. Huhuhu…"

"Silence! Pegasus, continue."

"Well, I've honestly never done this before. Being a priest is just _so_ unfabulous. I understand why Kaiba-boy did it."

"Just. Say. The friggin'. Lines."

"But of course. Zorc Necrophades, do you accept Marik Sebastian Ishtar the Third to be your lawfully wedded wife… husband… wife, in sickness and… uhm… I completely forgot how this went. Anyway, 'til death do you part?"

"I do," Zorc chimed.

"And, Marik Sebastian Ishtar the Third, do you accept Zorc Necrophades as your-"

_CRASH_

The beautiful windows were completely shattered as a single person kicked through them and landed dramatically on the aisle in front of the altar.

"Oh my, I knew I shouldn't have used crystal for those windows." Pegasus said.

"On the moon, our crystals are far more-"

"Put a sock in it." The person who had just literally crashed the wedding commanded. Wild white bangs covering his furious eyes. That was Florence Bakura.

"Well, no need to be so rude."

"Yeah, man. You're rude," Umbra backed up Lumis.

"Hey, dewshbayugh! The doow wus opewn!"

"…what?"

"I sayehd: The dowowoow. Wus. Opewn."

"Look, I can't understand a bloody thing you're saying. Who the bloody hell invited _Dartz_ anyway?"

"He said the door was open." A man who until very recently only said 'zug zug" translated.

"…oh. Well, breaking down windows is more fun, don't you think?"

"Graah! It doesn't matter now. Who the friggin' frig invited you, Bakura?" Marik finally intervened.

"I invite myself. It's really quite a bit more convenient than having to wait for an invitation. But don't worry, I was just leaving."

"Then why did you even bother showing up?"

"Oh, no reason," Bakura turned to the groom, "except Zorc has something of mine, and I wanted to get it back."

"Couldn't this wait for after the wedding?"

"Oh, no. It has to be retrieved now," he swiftly walked towards the altar, but instead of heading to Zorc, he turned to Marik.

"Bakura? What are you-" Marik froze in his words as he was picked up bridal style unceremoniously.

"Look at the time, I guess I have to go now. Please, continue. Don't let me interrupt whatever it is you were doing," said Bakura, as he quickly carried Marik out of the chapel and left the entire Council gawking and puzzling together what had just happened, every single chin dropped.

And would you look at that, the door really was open.


End file.
